This post appears in the Thanksgiving Traditions challenge.

If you insist on political correctness, stop reading now.  If you are still reading and believe that equality should run earth’s gamut, go ahead and delete your browser history as you now leave.  If Tofurkey is on your Thanksgiving menu, you’re welcome to stick around, but I’m not sure why you’d choose this place over NPR or PETA.  But I digress, so here it goes:

Not all chickens are created equally.

I’m not talking Popeye’s vs. Kentucky Fried, although that’s a fun topic.  Nope, I’m referring to wearing a wife-beater shirt to a funeral or checking your Facebook during a sermon.  They’re both inherently foul … just like deep frying a stewing chicken or worse, boiling a capon.  (C’mon! That’s funny! Foul – fowl. Get it?) Fine. I’ll plan to keep my day job.  In the mean time, let’s move on to getting to know our fine feathered – albeit unequal – friends.

Broiler-Fryer – This is the classic American yard bird and the most widely produced here. When you see these in the market, you’re typically looking at a 2 to 4-month old specimen (depending on its size). The broiler-fryer has always been my go-to chicken, as it’s great on the grill, in the oven and – of course – breaded and fried. And the taste? Just like chicken!

Roaster – The roasting chicken is among the most fortunate in the yard, as it gets to live longer than its counterparts — generally 4-5 months. (Or maybe that’s not such a good thing.) The typical roaster is about 6 lbs, or so. While the meat tends to have a nice flavor, producing an entirely tender roasted chicken can be a little tricky. When I roast a roaster, I almost always do it breast-side down. Otherwise, slow cookers were made for specimens like these.

Stewing Chicken – The Jack Palance of the commercially-available chickens. Old and tough with personality. They’re also cheap. These 5-7 lb specimens are best cooked low and slow in liquid. Also, this is a great bird to try the popular milk tenderizing method.

Capon – These are the Vienna Boys Choir members of the roost, as they’ve been castrated at a young age. And what do castrated males do? Pretty much the same as married males — sit around and get plump. Capons aren’t easily found in the United States but if you get the chance, splurge on one. The meat is mild, juicy and tender, and caponized birds are among the best specimens for roasting.

Did you know? Chickens are classified based on their age, not the breed. And while the USDA grades beef, lamb and pork with names such as prime and choice, poultry gets an A, B or C. The stuff you see at the market is usually A-grade, which means there is no bruising or broken bones. The B and C grades tend to end up in processed foods.

Cornish Game Hen – All the cross-breeding aside, this is typically the smallest commercially available chicken, and the youngest. These birds, which can be either male or female (despite the name), are harvested at a month or less and weigh in at about 2 lbs – tops.  The meat is tender and mild and is typically roasted. And, unless you’re Jake Blues, one Cornish Game Hen per person should suffice.

Want to receive notifications of my Confessions, Chronicles and recipes in your email? Just click here. I’d also love for you to join me on Facebook (click the ‘like’ button), Pinterest and Google+. Why not witness some of my Instagram antics too?

Was it Julia Child who claimed that one could discern a chef’s skill level by tasting that chef’s roasted chicken?  Either way, a truer culinary point has never been made, which is why I tend to roast my chickens with the breast-side down — so that juices from the dark meat continually seep through the quicker cooking white part, keeping it very moist.

The following recipe is more of a technique, mostly influenced by our pals in French kitchens.  But Julia deserves the credit for popularizing the use of butter. You’ll notice that I use dried herbs, and I do that on purpose.  I’m certainly not against fresh.  By all means, use fresh herbs (1½ to 2 times more than listed dry herbs) if you prefer. But dried herbs are more economical and tend to infuse plenty of flavor with this cooking method.

Classic Roasted Chicken

Classic Roasted Chicken — I think Julia Child just might approve. Your guests will for sure.

1 – 3½ to 4½ lb Chicken
1 – Lemon, quartered
1 – Small Onion, quartered
2 – Garlic bulbs, tops removed
About 2 TB – Butter, softened
Herbs (see list)
Vegetables (see list)

Kosher salt
Freshly ground Black pepper

About 1 lb – Vegetables (see list)
Herbs – (see list)

Vegetables

• 1 – Fennel bulb, cut into wedges; 1 – Onion, quartered; and 3 – Carrots, peeled and cut into 2-3 inch chunks (pictured)
• 3-4 – Small potatoes, quartered; 2-3 Parsnips, peeled and cut into 2-3 inch chunks; and 3 – Carrots, peeled and cut into 2-3 inch chunks (pictured)
• 3-4 – Small potatoes, quartered; 1 – Onion, quartered; 3 – Carrots, peeled and cut into 2-3 inch chunks; and 4 – Celery stalks, sliced into 3-4 inch chunks

Herbs

• 2 TB – Dried Thyme (pictured)
• 2 TB – Dried Rosemary, crushed
• 1 TB – Dried Rosemary + 1 TB – Dried Thyme
• 1 TB – Dried Rosemary + 1 TB – Dried Sage
• 1 TB – Granulated Garlic + 1 TB – Dried Oregano
• 2 TB – Lemon Pepper

Preheat oven to 425F.

Remove giblets and freeze for another use (such as chicken stock). Wash and dry chicken. Trim extra fat (which is mostly at the cavities) and pin feathers.

Liberally (and I mean liberally) salt and pepper the cavity of the chicken. Sprinkle half of the herb combination in the cavity, then place (in the cavity) the quartered lemon, onion and garlic. Rub outside of chicken with butter. Sprinkle with remaining herbs. Truss the chicken entirely, or just tie the legs together with kitchen twine (optional).

Place chicken in roasting pan (breast side down if you want the most tender white meat; breast side up if you want chicken to look like the photo). Add vegetable mixture to dish. Season vegetables, if desired, with salt and pepper and a pinch or two of additional herbs.

Roast the chicken, uncovered, until juices run clear (where the leg meets the thigh) or a thermometer registers 165F, about 1 hour. Remove from oven and allow to rest for about 15 minutes before carving.

Read the original on: The Unorthodox Epicure