Welcome to July. It truly feels like summer now, doesn’t it? And nothing says summer like a proper burger.

I urge you to make this particular summer burger recipe as it’s deliriously delicious, simple, and will please anyone, be that a vegetarian or serious carnivore. I served these to a carnivore and they proceeded to freak out as they had reached, what I believe was “burger nirvana.” Whatever country you’re reading this blog from, “burger nirvana” is for citizens of the world––no passports, plane flights, citizenship tests, or pledging required. The flag we fly here is emblazoned with a giant mushroom burger.

But let me step back for just a moment before things get a little too weird, as they can on here, and talk about what makes a veggie burger a bitchin’ BBQ option instead of a floppy, dry, sawdusty, pathetic, sad sack of an excuse for summer dinner.

For a veggie burger that will do it for you, and I mean really do it for you, you’ll need the following things:

1. Charred bits: That’s taken care of with this insane jam (please see above photo, centre; and yes, I am still trying to scrub that pan clean 3 days later, thank you for asking). Staying with the whole patriotic theme, I think this is called “flavor country.”

2. Umami: Mushrooms, feta, and tamari are naturally so, so that’s taken care of. Tick, tick, tick.

3. Minimal filler: These don’t require the usual breadcrumb/oat business.

4. Grillable: The burger has to actually be able to go on the grill or in a grill pan without crumbling into the fires of hell below. Big, fat, meaty portobello mushrooms have your back and, if you want to get really into this, throw the feta slabs (or even better, halloumi) on the grill briefly. I prefer the cheese portion unadulterated, but I’m a bit of a square with my feta rectangles. Prepare however you see fit.

5. Protein: You want something that sticks with you so you’re not left hungry an hour later. Mushrooms are a fantastic source of protein with one portobello mushroom containing about 5 grams per cap. Along with protein, mushrooms contain vitamin D, a range of B vitamins, potassium, and much more. Cheese is clearly a great source of protein, too.

6. Sauce: A bright, complex sauce will lift this right up into our goal, that being, “burger nirvana.” This savoury jam gets a boost from blackened bits, apple cider vinegar and ultra-healthy flaxseed oil, a great source of plant-based omega-3s to give you a shiny coat.

7. A better bun: A veggie burger needs to be nestled within a bun that’s proportional. Ideally, bun and burger should be exactly the same size, in my mind, at least. Sure the bun is the vehicle for getting the burger to your face (much like the cake portion of carrot cake is a vehicle for the cream cheese frosting), but don’t underestimate the power of your bun choice. I’m picky about everything in my life and burger buns are no exception.

Re: buns, right now you’re probably thinking, Al, that looks an awful lot like an English muffin. It is, dear reader, it is. I started using English muffins instead of burger buns after seeing it done in a Martha Stewart recipe a few years back. I was skeptical as well, yet have found English muffins are a better burger bun than most burger buns for a few reasons: they’re exactly the same size as your burger; they allow the filling to take centre stage so you’re not sitting there, scowling, thinking sarcastic thoughts like, wow, I’m eating a bun for dinner––cool; they get extremely crispy when grilled due to their trademark nooks and crannies, and we all know the difference between an alright burger and an extraordinary burger is all about contrast––crunchy/hot/cold/fresh/crispy/juicy; and they’re a little tangy, having that whole sourdough thing going on.

Unless you’re getting one of those gloriously lacquered artisanal egg bread burger buns that look like they’ve just spent two weeks on the beaches of St. Tropez, burger buns can fall flat. Just try the English muffin “bun” once this summer and report back to me. It may not be for everyone but it works with these burgers.

So, you have your grilled burger. You have you charred bits. You have your saucy…sauce. You have a bun that makes other buns run home to their mommies. You have protein to feed your hungry muscles. You have healthy fats that make your skin look like you’ve just turned on an incandescent lightbulb directly beneath its surface. You have fresh summer produce coming out your eyeballs. And you have textural, temperature, and flavour contrast. Congratulations, you have the best goddamn veggie burger of your natural life. And don’t forget: napkins, napkins, napkins.

PORTOBELLO BURGERS WITH ROASTED RED PEPPER TOMATO JAM AND FETA

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